I May Be Middle Class,

All Comedians Are A Bit Attention-seeking And I'm No Different. Anyone With The Audacity To Want To Be Listened To For An Hour And A Half Must Be.

Cats Have Nine Lives. Makes Them Ideal For Experimentation.

I Think They Got It Wrong With Saddam Hussein. They Thought He Had The A-bomb. Instead He Had A Bomb.

I Think That Comedians, More Than Any Other Type Of Celebrity, Have To Keep Their Humour And Keep Their Feet On The Ground. If They Start Taking Themselves Too Seriously, They're Heading For A Fall.

There Was One Time Where I Failed To Perform Sexually. My Girlfriend Said To Me "oh Don't Worry, It Happens To A Lot Of Guys". Ok, There Are Two Things Wrong With That. First Of All Who Are These Other Guys?, And Second Of All If It's Happening To More Than One Of Us, Don't You Think It Could Be Your Fault?