I Prefer Being Totally Sober

Why Would Anyone Get Married And Have Babies? That's The Dumbest Idea I've Ever Heard In My Life. Or The Scariest Thing I've Ever Heard In My Life.

At The Risk Bragging, One Of The Things I'm Best At Is Riding Coattails. Behind Every Successful Man Is Me, Smiling And Taking Partial Credit.

What's Cool About Twitter Is That You Can Make A Joke About Something Very Of-the-moment Or Random That I Wouldn't Be Able To Joke About In Stand-up.

For The Majority Of The Time, I May As Well Have Been Just A Really Tan White Kid. You Know, I May As Well Have Just Been, Like, A Fat Kid.

If It's Possible, I Binge. There Are Other Shows, Like 'the Americans' And 'game Of Thrones,' I Watch And Have To Wait A Week.