I Quit Drinking, And I

I Have Gay Friends, I Support Gay Rights, I Have Nothing Against The Gay Community, But When I See Two Guys Kissing, I Think It's Gross. And, By The Way, It's Gross When 99% Of Straight People Do It, Too.

Well I Have A Drug History And A Public Drinking Problem And I Am Not The Healthiest Guy. So They Just Ran That I Died Of A Drug Overdose.

When I Black Out, It's The Happiest Time Of My Life.

Comedians, We're Just People Who Whine. But We Happen To Be Funny When We Whine.

I Once Dealt With A Prima Donna On A Movie Set. I Won't Say Who, But His First Name Is A Country. A Communist Country. Run By Fidel Castro.