I Used To Sell Furniture

I Toyed With The Idea Of Playing Ravel's 'pavane Pour Une Infante Defunte' But I Couldn't Remember If It's A Tune Or Latin Prescription For Piles.

The Wife's Mother Said, ‘when You're Dead, I'll Dance In Your Grave.’ I Said: ‘good, I'm Being Buried At Sea’.

Mind You, I've Always Been Musical... Mother Used To Sit Me On Her Knee And I'd Whisper, 'mummy, Mummy, Sing Me A Lullaby Do,' And She'd Say: 'certainly My Angel, My Wee Bundle Of Happiness, Hold My Beer While I Fetch Me Banjo.'

I Went To My Doctor And Asked For Something For Persistent Wind. He Gave Me A Kite.

I Knew I'd Chosen The Wrong Airline When I Noticed The Sick Bag Had The Lord's Prayer On It.