I Was So Ugly My

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I Don't Believe Meatloaf Should Glow In The Dark

We Learned Sexual Technique From Our Dog. He Taught How To Beg, And He Taught My Wife How To Roll Over And Play Dead.

I Came From A Real Tough Neighborhood. Once A Guy Pulled A Knife On Me. I Knew He Wasn't A Professional, The Knife Had Butter On It.

It's Great To Have Gray Hair. Ask Anyone Who's Bald.

When My Parents Got Divorced, There Was A Custody Fight Over Me. ... And No One Showed Up.