I Wasn't Funny As A

The Vatican Is Against Surrogate Mothers. Good Thing They Didn't Have That Rule When Jesus Was Born.

You Know, If You Need 100 Rounds To Kill A Deer, Maybe Hunting Isn't Your Sport.

President Bush Said He Didn't Want To Renew The Assault Weapons Ban Because It Might 'infringe On Hunters' Rights'. Who Needs An Ak-47 Machine Gun To Go Hunting? Let Me Tell You Guys Something... If It Takes You 500 Rounds To Bring Down A Deer, I Don't Want You Going To The Bathroom In My House!

As A Standup Comedian, I've Worked Almost Every New Year's Eve Of My Adult Life. It's The Best-paying Night Of The Year.

Have You Noticed That If You Leave The Laundry In The Hamper Long Enough, It's Ready To Wear Again?