Look Out For Number One

I Knew A Girl So Ugly That She Was Known As A Two-bagger. That's When You Put A Bag Over Your Head In Case The Bag Over Her Head Breaks.

My Mother Never Breast Fed Me, She Told Me She Only Liked Me As A Friend.

A Hooker Once Told Me She Had A Headache.

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I've Got The Only Dog Who Begs For Alka-seltzer.

My Car Broke Down Just The Other Day, I Called Triple A, They Came And Towed Me Away!