My Dog Was Barking At

And The Back Of His Anorak Was Leaping Up And Down, And People Were Chucking Money To Him. I Said 'do You Earn A Living Doing That?' He Said 'yes, This My Livelihood.'

A Jump Lead Walks Into A Bar. The Barman Says "i'll Serve You, But Don't Start Anything."

A Woman Tells Her Doctor, 'i've Got A Bad Back.' The Doctor Says, 'it's Old Age.' The Woman Says, 'i Want A Second Opinion.' The Doctor Says: 'okay - You're Ugly As Well.'

So A Lorry-load Of Tortoises Crashed Into A Train-load Of Terrapins, I Thought "that's A Turtle Disaster".

Now You Know Those Trick Candles That You Blow Out And A Couple Of Seconds Later They Come Alight Again, Well The Other Day There Was A Fire At The Factory That Makes Them.