My Sister Is Going To

I Like To Read, But Otherwise I'm Just Your Average, Self-obsessed Comedian. It's Pretty Much All I Think About.

Father's Day Makes Me Wish I Could Talk To My Dad Just One More Time, Instead Of All The Time.

My Mom, For Most Of Her Life, Was A Holocaust Denier. And It Was Terrible For The Entire Family To Have To Deal With Until, Finally, A Couple Years Ago, We Had An Intervention. And We Had A Rabbi Come Into The Home, Had Him Walk Her Through The History Of The Jewish People, And Then He Made Her Watch "schindler's List." And After That, My Mom Did A Complete 180. Now She Can't Believe It Only Happened Once.

Sure, My Uncle Killed Himself Playing Russian Roulette. But I Choose To Remember Him As A Great Russian Roulette Player.

Silence Means They [the Audience] Are Paying Attention. Even If I Drop Bombs And They're Dead Quiet, It's Still Okay. If They Start Talking, That's When You've Lost Them.