My Son Gave Me A

If Opportunity Doesn't Knock, Build A Door.

At Christmas You Can Get Real Bargains. I Saw One Item Marked Down Ten Dollars. It Was A Yacht.

Anytime A Person Goes Into A Delicatessen And Orders A Pastrami On White Bread, Somewhere A Jew Dies.

The Post Office Is Very Careful Nowadays. When They Get A Package Marked "fragile," They Throw It Underhand.

They've Got Plastic Christmas Trees Now. They're Hard To Tell From The Real Aluminum Ones.