On Ships They Call Them

Vaudeville Could Not Vouch For The Honesty, The Integrity, Or The Mentality Of The Individuals Who Collectively Made Up The Horde The Medium Embraced. All The Human Race Demands Of Its Members Is That They Be Born. That Is All Vaudeville Demanded. You Just Had To Be Born. You Could Be Ignorant And Be A Star. You Could Be A Moron And Be Wealthy. The Elements That Went To Make Up Vaudeville Were Combed From The Jungles, The Four Corners Of The World, The Intelligentsia And The Subnormal.

I Learned Law So Well, The Day I Graduated I Sued The College, Won The Case, And Got My Tuition Back.

Television Is The Triumph Of Machine Over People.

After Quitting Radio I Was Able To Live On The Money I Saved On Aspirins.

I Always Have Trouble Remembering Three Things: Faces, Names, And - I Can't Remember What The Third Thing Is.