Personal Philosophy: Clothing Optional

I've Got No Dark Secrets, I Wasn't Beaten Up, My Parents Were Kind To Me And There Was A Low Crime Rate Where We Lived. Maybe That's Where The Comedy Comes From, As Some Sort Of Reaction To The Safe, Boring Suburbs.

I’m Just A Big, Hairy, American Winning Machine!

I'm A Sex Addict. It's My Cross To Bear. It's A Real Disease With Doctors And Medicine And Everything!

Facebook Is Like Jail, You Sit Around And Waste Time, You Write On Walls And You Get Poked By People You Don't Know

Before You Marry A Person, You Should First Make Them Use A Computer With Slow Internet To See Who They Really Are.