You Know You're Old When

When You Play Spin The Bottle, If They Don't Want To Kiss You They Have To Give You A Quarter. Well, Hell, By The Time I Was Twelve Years Old I Owned My Own Home.

My Plastic Surgeon ... Said My Face Looked Like A Bouquet Of Elbows.

There's Such A Buildup Of Crud In My Oven, There's Only Room To Bake A Single Cupcake.

When I Was A Kid And We Used To Play Post Office, I Was The Dead Letter Office.

I Hate Smart Sales Clerks. I Said To One, What Do You Have In Lingerie? She Says, More Than You'll Ever Have!