I'm At The Age Where

My Kids Scotch Tape Worms To The Sidewalk And Watch The Birds Get Hernias.

I'd Like To Get Some New Clothes, But I Can't Find A Big And Short Store.

I Get No Respect. The Way My Luck Is Running, If I Was A Politician I Would Be Honest.

One Time My Whole Family Played Hide And Seek. They Found My Mother In Pittsburgh!

I Live In A Bad Neighborhood. Why, I Saw Two Complete Strangers Share A Taxi - Yeah, One Guy Took The Radio And The Other Guy Took The Tires.