Two Fish In A Tank,

He Said 'i'm Going To Chop Off The Bottom Of One Of Your Trouser Legs And Put It In A Library. I Thought, "that's A Turn-up For The Books".

A Dyslexic Man Walks Into A Bra.

I Went To The Dentist. He Said "say Aaah." I Said "why?" He Said "my Dog's Died."

So I Rang Up A Local Building Firm, I Said 'i Want A Skip Outside My House.' He Said 'i'm Not Stopping You.'

So A Lorry-load Of Tortoises Crashed Into A Train-load Of Terrapins, I Thought "that's A Turtle Disaster".