At Eighty-two, I Feel Like

I Like To Do Things For My Wife On Valentine's Day. I Open The Door For Her When She Puts Laundry In The Washing Machine.

My Wife Is A Real Puritan. She Thinks Licking The Stamp On The Envelope Of A Valentine Is Foreplay.

I Bought A Christmas Tree For Twenty Dollars. When I Came Home The Next Day, My Wife Was Wearing It In Her Hair.

You Can Lead A Man To Congress, But You Can't Make Him Think.

At Christmas You Can Get Real Bargains. I Saw One Item Marked Down Ten Dollars. It Was A Yacht.