I Drink Therefore I Am.

You Can Fool Some Of The People Some Of The Time -- And That's Enough To Make A Decent Living.

The Advantages Of Whiskey Over Dogs Are Legion. Whiskey Does Not Need To Be Periodically Wormed, It Does Not Need To Be Fed, It Never Requires A Special Kennel, It Has No Toenails To Be Clipped Or Coat To Be Stripped. Whiskey Sits Quietly In Its Special Nook Until You Want It. True, Whiskey Has A Nasty Habit Of Running Out, But Then So Does A Dog.

I Never Drank Anything Stronger Than Beer Before I Was Twelve.

Now Don't Say You Can't Swear Off Drinking; It's Easy. I've Done It A Thousand Times.

You Can't Trust Water: Even A Straight Stick Turns Crooked In It.