I Have Tried A Little

My Doctor Told Me To Watch My Drinking. Now I Drink In Front Of A Mirror.

I Was So Ugly My Parents Had To Hang A Pork Chop Around My Neck To Get The Dog To Play With Me.

I Was Making Love To This Girl And She Started Crying. I Said, "are You Going To Hate Yourself In The Morning?" She Said, "no, I Hate Myself Now."

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. I Played Hide-and-seek. They Wouldn't Even Look For Me.

She Was So Fat That Her Bathtub Has Stretch Marks.